Is there a strong correlation between women with emotionally abusive controlling fathers and falling in love with strong controlling manipulative men?
Yes, there is. My father would not be pleased, but I worked diligently to please him. I created myself into SuperWoman, but thought I was sub-normal because he ridiculed and demeaned me. I accepted my inferiority, but never stopped trying or hoping. My mind was focused on finding ways and designing means to impress. Without that intent, I created myself to be what every father tells his son he should be. I attract N's because I am created in a pattern designed to please a father who constantly set the bar higher than my accomplishment. The difference is that I take for granted my acquired abilities because that is "normal" for me. They talk the talk. I walk the talk. Therefore, at first, I present myself as "worthy" of their attention. This becomes the basis of their resentment as the relationship develops, however.
My everyday activity makes them feel as if I've recognized their incompetence...unmasked the lie. My relationships don't last. Narcissists will kill the golden egg laying goose, rather than be one-upped....regardless of a lack of intent to do so. I've only recently recognized this as the truth of my life. My father was supportive and I felt closer and more like him. On the other hand, my mother was a manipulating person! And made it fairly clear that I was not her favorite from the very beginning. Definately yes. I suffered a traumatic upbringing where my father was a complete narcissist. He abused my mother by possessing her and beating her into submission resulting in her alcohol abuse. I was isolated as a result - an only daughter who continually tried to resolve her pain and gain her father's love through dating abusive men.
After a succession of abusive relationships including a marriage, a young son, a degree in psychology and a post graduate degree in psychotherapy I finally left him and took our child with me. I don't want our son to abuse women and I wanted to make a well deserved life for myself. I am doing it and to all those other abused women out there - SO CAN YOU.
I don't think that there is necessarily a strong correlation in that it has to be a Father. I think any toxic, unhealthy, family upbringing where a parent is controlling and manipulative teaches us that that is what is normal. Without even trying then, it's easier to end up with a person like that because it feels comfortable. My Dad was loving, my Mom controlling and non-accepting of me. I married a man that turned out to be extremely abusive and it took a very long time to see that, then go through all of the steps to leave it. I have been in therapy for 2 years straight, working to "undo" years of beliefs that I have been taught. It's difficult but working.