How can you financially survive an emotional marriage with children involved and keep the house etc once you divorce?
Indeed, financial dependence is one of the main reasons why victims stay in an abusive relationship!
Figure out a budget with what you can personally afford--hopefully, you presently have a job. Life is much easier before the settlement if you have done this, since you have not put yourself into a financial hole. I also went and opened bank accounts and transferred money just before I left--set up a post office box for privacy. I closed credit cards and got one in my name only. I chose not to keep the house because I could not afford the payments on my own (do NOT agree for him to pay the mortgage company directly for you) I severed all financial ties at the time of the divorce; quit claim the house and got a share of equity; transferred car titles, etc. If you can set up your household with what you can afford on your own, he can't blackmail you in any way by non-payment. Later, I used some of the IRA money for a down payment on my own, smaller, affordable house. So, do what you can for stability for now and the rest will follow in time. It is scary, but one baby step at a time will see you through this.