Can an emotional abuser be helped if he wants to be?
Wanting to change is an important first step. But it is a necessary - not a sufficient - condition.
I think you answered your own question...they have to desire to want help. Abusers do not admit to any wrong doing...therefore they "believe" they do not need help. Even when confronted about their wrong behavior, they fail to recognize they played any role.
It's just like an addict wanting help to overcome their addiction, but denying they have a problem.
I think that an emotional abuser can be helped if he wants to be, and only if he wants to be. Even if he wants help, that doesn't necessarily mean that he will change though.